Friday, June 15, 2007

Hungry, Hungry Hobbits

It starts first thing in the morning. My boys hop into bed with me, “Mom, I’m hungry. Mom, I’m thirsty.” I hear this at least 23 times a day. Kids are like stray cats, feed them once and they keep coming back for more. And mine never seem to go away.

My children are more like stray Hobbits. Which if you are not familiar with, are small human like beings that enjoy at least seven meals a day, not including snacks. They indulge in first breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, tea, dinner, and supper. The feasting and drinking never seem to end.

After I wipe the slime from my eyes, that my son slathered over my face while trying to wake me, I ask my little Hobbits “What do you want for breakfast?”

My eldest says, “Peanut butter and jelly french toast sticks, bacon and milk.”

My second in command chirps, “Me want waffles.”

Maybe I should change my title from MOM, to Short Order Cook. “How about Lucky Charms and milk,” I suggest.

I shuffle my hungry guys down the stairs. Open the fridge. Crap there’s no milk. How can that be? I bought a gallon and a half yesterday. I turn to my children and look into their doe eyes, “Sorry, we're out of milk. How about PB &J and water?”

After my kids eat their first breakfast, I strap them into their car seats and we head to the local Dairy Mart for the fourth time this week. I buy another gallon of milk and the guy behind the counter smirks and says, “It’d be cheaper to buy a cow.”

We leave and head home. No sooner do we enter the house, when I hear, “Mom, I’m hungry.”

I head straight to the bread drawer to prepare second breakfast. I think to myself, they're only toddlers, what am I going to do when they’re teenagers. I’m going to need a full time job just to buy bread and milk.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

The Poop Factor

Ok, little boys and poop are like men and sex. If their not doing it, they’re thinking about it. And if they’re not thinking about it, they’re laughing with their buddies at the thought of doing it very soon. And they always stake claim to doing it even if they didn’t.

I’ve literally got the shittiest kids in town. And they are quite proud of their status. I walked into the living room this morning and almost passed out from the stench. Gagging I said, “who tooted?”

My General stands up and proudly says, “I did!” Just as he starts to relish in his foul behavior, the Tank stands up and declares, “No. Me tooted!”